Crash landings

Seemingly there are time when everything seems to hit at once. When everything comes crashing down upon me. At least that's the way it felt yesterday. A resounding sense of lose and grief seemed to make a crash landing upon my heart. A sense like everything was to much and I could no longer keep on keeping on. Learning once again that I am not able to do life on my own. That by our very being we need other people to bear each others burdens. By prayer and listening to each others hearts, and so much more.

Thomas Merton

I've been reading over the past several month The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton. What a great book so far but it definitely one that I am not able to race though. What a life he live as a childhood he had. Along with his high school and college life. I am not quite half way though it. I have been able to get quite a bit of from his journey to coming to the the place where he was when he passed away. I am looking forward to keep reading about his early life. There seems to be so much that could have lead him a way from Christ. Yet, there seemed to be that 'something' calling him to the real truth of life. Differently this is one of those books everyone should read at least once.

Jumping off the ride

The need to be able to rest and have time to be alone is a great thing. Yet, one that seems to be hard to find. One way or another I'll be able to find some of this. Being able to seek after what it is I'm being called to is not easy. When it feels that I'm being pulled in so many ways. At some point all of us need to jump of the ride and walk away to just be. What ever it is at that moment to be present to God. No matter what we might be feeling or thinking about. He already knows and wants us to come to Him any way.

Making the point

Know a week later I keep going back to the all that was talked about over the weekend. The unmistakable bound that has been made over the weekend. Without a second thought the Holy Spirit was defiantly at work with all us. Also, there is no mistaking, that God has His way of making sure a point hits home.

As we made out down to the lake (picture is of Lake Michigan and not of the lake at Holy Family) dark clouds started to drift over us. While we were making our way to the shore line to reflect on baptism. Either we were to come back together in ten minutes. Well, you may have guessed, it started to rain for about ten minutes. This is, at least for me, just one of many moments that the point has been made. In many ways, as I am seeking out what it is I am being called to. I know that the Holy Spirit is moving and confirming the way I'm going.

Understanding

How can I help those understand the way I have been choising the path I am going down? I don't know that anyone can really understand. Unless, one is also going though a simlar journy. Allowing the Holy Spirit to work with in the hearts of those who are supportive. Yet, seemingly at a distance. I would love for those I care for to really understand. I can not make them understand. It is not up to me for them to be able see or understand.

Prayer of the Holy Spirit

O, Holy Spirit,

beloved of my soul,

I adore You.

Enlighten me, guide me,

stengthen me, console me.

Tell me what

I should do; give

me Your orders.

I promise to submist myself to all that

You desire of me and to accept all that

You permit to happen to me.

Let me only know

Your will.

Listening to what my calling maybe

I can't help wonder what the calling I have for my life. Right know as I go a visit a few communities. So, far the ones I've been to have felt like place I could be at. Yet, this is not something to be rushed into. I feel a little bit lost at times. Just not knowing if I'm headed in the way that God has set before me. At times it seems that I am and at others it does not. There seems to be so many questions to be answered and to be asked. Still, there seems to be no words to put to all these questions and answers for them. For, know any way it seems that all this is something that to be wrestled with with and pondered. No matter what, it seems that there will be this struggle with whether or not one is heading down the path for someones life.

Saint Mary Monstery at Rock Island, Illnios

Over this past weekend I had the chance to get away and spend it with the Sisters of St. Benedict of St. Mary Monastery. With all that has been going on lately I needed the time to recharge. Being able to meet the many of the Sister was great and I look forward making many other visits. I am visiting other communities but I feel that this community could very well be one that makes my top three or four list.

Being able to have the time to talk with the sisters through out the weekend was a great.

In the picture from left to right, Sister Mary Jane, myself, and Sister Bobbi. Being able to take part in the times of prayer with the community and having time with the Sister Bobbi and Mary Jane within their community group on Saturday evening. Through out the day I was able to have time to myself to take pictures and explore the grounds. Along with being able to learn the history of Saint Mary Monastery from Sister Bobbi and also we talked about the Rule of Saint Benedict. What a great time of learning about this great community. Along with being able to learn if this is really what I am being called to.

It sure does seem like I am being called to the religious life. Yet, I do not want to rush into this. Given that I have two years before I will be able to join a community. This is something I do not want to rush into and want to take my time in choosing a picking a community. Along with taking the time to truly seeing if I am being called to the religious life.

Being a part

With all that has been going lately I feel this deep long for something. A something that I can not really put to words. Being able to find a place a place to call home. A longing to known and to know others. Longing for a real sense of community. A change of heart into the trueness of a calling. Being more like Christ. How many long to be a part of something great the something so much lager then just one ministry or one block of time. Is there really such a thing as doing to much or too little. Being a part of any community is a great thing. It seems to be a matter of finding where that may be.

Now what?

Finding the way home with it being three weeks ago after the Easter Vigil. Still, there seems no way really put how I felt and the joy of becoming a part of the family. The lingering questions of 'know what?' keeps coming up. What do we do know that R.C.I.A. is over for us. What ministries do we work in know. How can we be of service to those who are not yet part of the Catholic Church. What do I do once P.A.D.S is over for the season.

Holy Week

This is one of those weeks where that seems a sorrowful one. Yet, one full that is a reminder of what Christ had done for us on the cross. The pain that Mary had to go through. Looking on helplessly as her son was slowly suffocating to death. This painful way to die to pay for our sins. A lyric that keeps running in my mind is 'Its my mocking voice that held him their.' From the song How Deep Our Fathers Love for Us.

It feels so much different this year. Then in prior years because I am taking part in a much more meaningful time. This year with becoming part of the Catholic Church. This is some what scary and yet I am ready for this. I can not wait. Being able to part take in all that it is to be a part community of faith.

Spring?

Yes, that is right it's snow. And it is spring time. I hope that coming Easter Sunday that it will be nice out. As I am writing this it the snow is still coming down. I like snow but this just does not fell right. In the morning, the is going to be more snow. Well, that's what happens in northern Illionis.

Coming home

Holy Week...a the events of the passion of Christ. His last supper with his friends, his trail, death, and being raised from death. As for many who have been going though R.C.I.A. having gone though this time of learning. We will be coming home to the Catholic Church. How much I've learned and come to see as to were I need to be going. The time really see if this is the place for me. There is know no turning back. I can not wait for Easter Vigil. Being able to part take of this Holy Meal. I am amazed by the speed of this year went. For, it was last April that I emailed pastoral associate for R.C.I.A. So, here is to Holy Week and Easter 2009!!

Waiting for the proper time

This Holy Week will be quite different and memorable. For, I'll be completing the time of preparing to entering join the Catholic Church. I really do not know what to expect this coming Easter Vigil. Soon it will be here. There is so much to still learn. All of which will take a life time. Finally, being able partake in the Eucharist.

A time to reflect

Reflecting on the time I spent with the Sisters in Indiana. I still really do not know how to put to words what is going on with in my heart. It seems that I learned so much. That I have found I could be a part of this community. That is if this is where I'm being to lead be. There are so many questions that I have but do not really have words to put to them. One of the sisters said to let the Holy Spirit lead you. He differently was doing a number in my heart on the drive home. In fact, he still is. Still it seems like it is such a long time to wait. First for Easter. Then, for the two years until I would be able to join a religious order. If that is God's leading.

A weekend to remember!

This past weekend is one of that I will never forget. I have really felt like I like was home. There was so much to take in. The rhythm of life of the the Sisters of Saint Benedict of the Monastery Immaculate Conception. Is something that I really love. And I don't otherwise have as a day to day part of my life. Is the daily times of prayer.

I know that I really wont Easter to come. And becoming a part of the Church. Soon!!

Fat Tuesday to Ash Wensday and a few more things

Well, when I started this blog I was hoping to post more often then I am. As of the time of this post I have been out of work for a month. My grandma my is on her second stay in the hospital in the same amount of time. It seems that when the craziness of live seems like I can feel the need to rely the most on faith.
Fat Tuesday, a time to pig out on what will be given up for Lent. While, time to drink up or eat up on what ever is to be given up. I'll be giving up my favorite drink, Coke Zero. This time of giving up is a time to ready one's self for Easter. Most impotently it is for my coming into the Catholic Church. The time seems to be flying. So, here's to the next forty days!

Loss of a son

The news of death of John Travolta's son Jett. There is such a great interest in the ways of the death of the precious life. One that we should allow to be morned in peace. Allow the Travolta's to do with out being the media being right there. I can understand why we wont to know about this. The life of those who are famous draw us. The have the right to be left alone no matter who they are.