Never Been Unloved

A few days ago this song came on the radio at a time when I was feeling quite down and unlovable. So, many times over the past few weeks I have need to hear this song. As one of the line loosely say, "I have been undesirable but never unlovable." Even at my worst times I am loved.

Time

If I could sum up what the past year and half has been full of joy and heart ache. The loss of my grandma to the joy of the Holy Saturday of 2009. There is differently a lot more that I have been seeing with in my family. The longing for healing of loved ones. The toll that it has taken words fall short. The healing power of music has given my heart the rest and comfort. Knowing that before there was time. I was loved. That I was known by name. "Before there was time....."

I Have Loved You With An Everlasting Love Fr. Michael Joncas cover

"Thus says the LORD: 'The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." Jeremiah 31:2 to 3

What a great comfort the readings for the Mass have been a comfort to me this week. This song I have love you with an everlasting love. Came to mind as I prayed with the first reading from Tuesday August 3. Reminding once again that I am loved with a love that lasts forever. Is something I can not get my heart and mind around. Yet, this love is made real each time I am present at Mass. Present in the time of prayer and to those I run into day to day. Being able to share the love that I have been given. Who is it that you need to love today or is it you that needs to feel the love of God?

Dancing for joy to tears of sorrow

The combo of wanting to dance for joy and having the such deep sorrow. If hasn't been for the support of friends who are praying for me. You know how you are and I am grateful for you prayers. Also, for allowing me be able to express in word and tears what's my heart. I would have walked away from the Church. It seems that it is in these crazy mixed up moments that God seems the most tangible and real. Being able to face the why questions that have been coming up. Taking the time to give them light and to answer them. The answers to these questions very well might be ones I do not want to hear. Yet, it is something that will have to be faced. Crazy as this may and does sound. I love that I can at the sometime dance for joy and have such deep sorrow. For sorrow lasts for the night and joy will come in the morning. This was true this past Monday morning after working the over night and feeling quite down. I had an eight a.m. with great news. That the wondering and the waiting finally being to be asked "Will you marry me?" And the answer give was "Yes!!" Which was just the news I needed to bring a smile to my face. If I did not think people would thing I was some crazy lady I would have gotten out of my truck and stated to dance around it. This all seems so crazy to me that at the same time it is likely to feel such great joy and feel great sorrow as while. Cause me to wonder if this is how God feels. When we turn away and reject his love. It is quite likely, since we his children so often walk anyway from him and say we are going to do things our own way. It has also been a week that I have had a deep sense of sorrow. Sorrow of remembering what it is loss loved ones. There are a few other thing that at for know to keep to myself, friends, and to pray over.

Element of Surprise

Seeing Sister Margarets look of disbelief. That we came for a party to say good by. What a great joy. Knowing that forever this group of women will have the bond of comminity and love. It was great knowing that all the sisters knew that the party was going to happen. Expet for Sister !! What a great time of being togeather!

Wheat or weeds

The readings for this week have been centered around soil, wheat and weeds. As the words of these readings from the Gospels for the weekly mass have been working on my heart. The sense of need for confession and to becoming what it is to be more like Christ. Being in the world and not of it. The quetions of what is to take a stand for those who need it and how that looks likes. So, what is it to be wheat rather thw weeds?

Your Grace Is Enough

What is it to share your love and grace. Being able to have the grace to live out my call in life. Relizing that your grace is enogh for me. When all seems to cone crashing down and it feels that I can no longer carry on. When prayer comes only in painful quite. The pain of longing for the lover of my heart and soul. The wonder of His grace and love. No one can fully understand. He loves us worts and all. Even when we are at the lost.