Dancing for joy to tears of sorrow

The combo of wanting to dance for joy and having the such deep sorrow. If hasn't been for the support of friends who are praying for me. You know how you are and I am grateful for you prayers. Also, for allowing me be able to express in word and tears what's my heart. I would have walked away from the Church. It seems that it is in these crazy mixed up moments that God seems the most tangible and real. Being able to face the why questions that have been coming up. Taking the time to give them light and to answer them. The answers to these questions very well might be ones I do not want to hear. Yet, it is something that will have to be faced. Crazy as this may and does sound. I love that I can at the sometime dance for joy and have such deep sorrow. For sorrow lasts for the night and joy will come in the morning. This was true this past Monday morning after working the over night and feeling quite down. I had an eight a.m. with great news. That the wondering and the waiting finally being to be asked "Will you marry me?" And the answer give was "Yes!!" Which was just the news I needed to bring a smile to my face. If I did not think people would thing I was some crazy lady I would have gotten out of my truck and stated to dance around it. This all seems so crazy to me that at the same time it is likely to feel such great joy and feel great sorrow as while. Cause me to wonder if this is how God feels. When we turn away and reject his love. It is quite likely, since we his children so often walk anyway from him and say we are going to do things our own way. It has also been a week that I have had a deep sense of sorrow. Sorrow of remembering what it is loss loved ones. There are a few other thing that at for know to keep to myself, friends, and to pray over.

Element of Surprise

Seeing Sister Margarets look of disbelief. That we came for a party to say good by. What a great joy. Knowing that forever this group of women will have the bond of comminity and love. It was great knowing that all the sisters knew that the party was going to happen. Expet for Sister !! What a great time of being togeather!

Wheat or weeds

The readings for this week have been centered around soil, wheat and weeds. As the words of these readings from the Gospels for the weekly mass have been working on my heart. The sense of need for confession and to becoming what it is to be more like Christ. Being in the world and not of it. The quetions of what is to take a stand for those who need it and how that looks likes. So, what is it to be wheat rather thw weeds?

Your Grace Is Enough

What is it to share your love and grace. Being able to have the grace to live out my call in life. Relizing that your grace is enogh for me. When all seems to cone crashing down and it feels that I can no longer carry on. When prayer comes only in painful quite. The pain of longing for the lover of my heart and soul. The wonder of His grace and love. No one can fully understand. He loves us worts and all. Even when we are at the lost.

Sorrows

What it must have felt that day when the events of the Passion took place. Knowing that all to soon that Jesus would willing go to the cross for all of us. He willing became poor and one body. For us thag we may live. Sorrow is present within my heart. Slowly, it crept into my heart and has made its home. Is this anything like what Mary felt as she took in the pain and sufferinf of he son upon the try. After all she knew that Jesus had to take this placw upom the tree. For there is no grater love then this. Then to lay down ones life for ones friends.

Restless spirit

This last week I have been restless. Being able to pray for any amount of time has been diffcult. A sense of deep hurt and fear seemed to have hit. Not really being able to put it all together until late Friday night and yesterday. Praying though parts of Matthew this week. Reminded me that I have to be salt and light to a dark and tasteless world. That I have to use far less words when I pray for the Father already knows what I need and what is the best for me. That true love and forgiveness comes from his love. Being able to enjoy community with him. Is to allown him to speak to us. Even with a restless spirit. That is hurting and crying out to the healer.

Love as I have love you

We are called to love as He has loved us. How is that the one sent to us can have such love for those who put him on the tree. It was my sins and failings that put him there and my lack of love that kept him on the cross. A love that I can not even start to explain or even understand. A love that drove God to allow Jesus, his beloved son to die. Even the death upon the cross. What would this look like if this would be in today? Lethal injections or something more inhuman?
Would I be able to lay my life down for those I have never known? How can I love as he first loved me. Since, He died for my sins. Knowing that I will once again have to ask for forgiveness. What is it to love this much? With the heart and mind of Jesus. I do not know. Only that I have to daily ask for the help to do this.